


Because Everybody's After Love

by AmbiguouslyGayBagginshield



Category: Shrek (2001), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Cracky, Humor, Humour, M/M, Mild Language, Shrek AU, The company are fairytale creatures, Thorin and company are elves, fairytale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:42:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1258405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbiguouslyGayBagginshield/pseuds/AmbiguouslyGayBagginshield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shrek (like) AU in which Thorin and the company are/were elves. Thorin, son of King Elrond, is cursed to change each night into a creature despised by the kingdom. To follow a prophesy Elrond, with the aid of Gandalf, sends Thorin and the company to wait in the tallest tower of a dragon guarded castle, waiting for Thorin's true love to break the curse.<br/>But after 300 years of waiting, watching knight after knight get burned alive by Smaug, an unexpected hero makes it all the way to the tower.<br/>The only problem is that he's not quite what Thorin had been expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ch-Ch-Changes (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Shrek or the Hobbit/ Lord of the Rings. I don't own any of the songs referenced. I also don't own any of the fairytale stories/characters in this fic. All rights reserved.
> 
> I made Elrond the King of Rivendell, instead of being 'Lord Elrond', so that Thorin would be a prince.  
> Also Thorin (and Dis & Frerin) and company are elves.

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived the elvish kingdom of Rivendell. The king of the land, King Elrond, was loved by his people. So it was no surprise the kingdom's excitement when it was announced the King was to have an heir.

After the birth, King Elrond and his queen revealed their babe to the kingdom during a great celebration for the new heir. The whole kingdom was there.

Well, all except one.

The short tempered blue wizard who lived just outside Rivendell. Enraged by the King and Queen's insolence the wizard began to search his spell books. He knew just the spell. In the wizard's rush, he did not see the invitation, written by the King himself, half-hidden under his doormat.

During the celebration the blue wizard appeared in a cloud of smoke. The King and Queen had welcomed him kindly, but the wizard cast it aside as an attempt to save themselves from punishment.

He walked straight up to the cot and leaned in close to the babe, snarling. They would regret the day they ignored Pallando the Blue! The wizard began to cast his spell, sending clouds of grey smoke circling the babe.

The King and Queen, accompanied with several soldiers, began to run to the wizard when there was a loud bang and they were pushed over by the force of it.

'A child of such beauty in the daylight,  
yet by those who love no beauty shall be seen,  
A change in the light of the moon and the cover of night,  
In the years to come you will regret the fool you have been'

The wizard cried, pointing at the King angrily. He then swept his cloak and disappeared.

The King and Queen had their son checked by the greatest healers in middle earth. They concluded that there was nothing wrong with the child, however that did not stop the King and Queen from worrying for their child as he grew.

Not long after the birth of Prince Thorin, Elrond had two more children, Frerin and Dis.

As Prince Thorin grew he became known throughout for his great beauty but the family held a great secret.

When Thorin came of age he experienced a change none had expected. Each night he became a creature hated by his elven race. The first time it had happened Dis had tried to kill him for breaking into her brothers’ chamber and stealing him.

Elrond immediately sent for Gandalf. After a week of nightly changes, Gandalf finally appeared. Gandalf examined Thorin in both forms, watching the transformation carefully.

'I am afraid there is little I can do. I cannot reverse the spell, it is too deeply set in Thorin's soul. Tis’ tied to his fate.' Gandalf sighed.

'Do you have any idea what the kingdom will do if they find out?! They could attack him! He is not safe here!' Elrond cried.

Gandalf frowned, puffing his pipe carefully. He took hold of the elven prince’s face. 'There is a prophecy attached to your fate Thorin, son of Elrond.' The wizards eyes rolled back into his head…

'By night one way,  
By day another,  
This shall be the norm,  
Until you find true love's first kiss,  
And then take love's true form,  
Wait upon tower,  
Guarded by dragon,  
Ye shall wait for years,  
He will appear with grace and heart,  
And the sight shall bring tears.'

The prophecy was adhered to quickly, yet reluctantly by the King and Queen as they, and their other children, kissed their beloved son goodbye.

12 other elves, good friends of Thorin's demanded that they would go as well. They would not see their friend alone.

However, when the blue wizard heard of this he was yet again angered, not only had Gandalf figured out how to cure the Prince but he would not even spend the years alone.

Whilst the company of elves travelled to the new home they were attacked by the blue wizard. Luckily Gandalf had decided to accompany them on their journey. Spells flew creating a cloud of flash colourful smoke.

The blue wizard fled but the damage had been done. Thorin and Gandalf were now stood amongst 12 fairy-tale creatures.

Thorin’s cousins, who soon became his adopted brothers, Fili and Kili had transformed into Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, of the tale Alice in Wonderland, as one was never seen without the other.

Bofur, the merry miner, had also been transformed into to character from this story. He had become the Mad Hatter due to his constant wearing of a tattered hat.

Bofur’s brother Bifur had changed into a shoemaker’s elf, from the Elves and the Shoemaker.

The third Ur brother, Bombur became one of the three little pigs, most likely due to his gratuitous size.

Dori had become Mother Hen, fussing over Chicken Little, Ori, (his younger brother).

The thief Nori had transformed into Puss in Boots.

Oin the healer had become a blind mouse. Whilst his brother Gloin had become Papa Bear, of the story Goldilocks.

Thorin’s time conscious advisor and second cousin, Balin, had become a mantle clock.

The grizzly best friend of the Prince, Dwalin, brother to Balin, had become the Big Bad Wolf. Complete with granny dress, much to his dismay.

The fate of the company now also depended on the breaking of the Prince’s spell. Their fates were tied. When he takes loves true form so shall the company.

They waited in the tower, waited for Thorin’s true love to come and break the curse.


	2. Holding Out For A Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Thorin had not expected his knight in shining armour to be so small, without sword or armour or... shoes?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Shrek or the Hobbit/ Lord of the Rings. I don't own any of the songs referenced. I also don't own any of the fairytale stories/characters in this fic. All rights reserved.

Nori was sat by the window cleaning his ginger paws with long slow licks. There was not that much to do in the tower so he decided to take it slow. He would not want to finish too quickly otherwise he’d have nothing to do.

He was also keeping a watchful eye on Dwalin, waiting for him to notice that he’d stolen one of his granny slippers…again. It was hidden in a vase, on top of a tall bookcase. He would never find it! And anyway Nori felt the vase a fitting place for the obnoxious flowery slipper. Dwalin had terrible taste.

Nori suppressed a chuckle returning his attention to his paw when something out of the window caught his eye. A figure was walking slowly along the road to the front gate. Yet another knight here to save Thorin. It was a blessing and a curse that the design of the castle meant that they could see the ‘champions’ enter and ‘fight’ the dragon. At first it had caused great excitement but now, with every charred knight left life less on the stone, the company, especially Thorin, lost a bit of hope. It had gotten to the extent that most of the company didn’t even bother watching the knight attempt to defeat Smaug.

In the last 300 years of waiting hundreds of knights, both men and elves, had tried their hand, and all had failed. The closet anyone had gotten was the door into the castle. That had been a particularly bad day for Thorin. He had looked really promising.

‘There’s another one…’ the cat sighed. The rest of the company looked up from where they were playing cards.

‘Right lads, place your bets’ Dwalin said gruffly still frowning down at his cards. He had a really bad hand.

‘Put me down for 15 minutes’ Bofur said sipping his tea cup. The other members started to call out numbers at Dwalin. After several minutes of chaos Dwalin shouted ‘Right. All bets placed.

‘Keep your eyes on the clock Balin’ Nori called, receiving an unimpressed look from the clock. Bofur suddenly burst out laughing make several members of the company jump. ‘Eyes on the clock! His eyes are literally on the clock. He’s a clock!’ Bofur howled, falling backwards of his seat as he did so.

‘I think you take this ‘mad’ hatter business too seriously,’ Dwalin commented rolling his eyes. ‘The usual Thorin?’

Thorin nodded in response, smiling sadly at his friend. ‘Somebody has to bet he’ll succeed’ he muttered. ‘It might as well be me. I can still hope.’

The wolf nodded. Balin hopped over to Thorin, patting him with a wooden hand, ‘He could be the one’ smiling comfortingly at him.

Thorin said nothing, only smiled down at the clock.

Nori turned away from the company to squint at the figure. ‘Erm guys, I don’t really know how to tell you this but…I don’t think he’s wearing any armour …or shoes.’

‘What?! Well that’s it then isn’t it. Should know better than to get my hopes up by now. It’s kind of insulting honestly, like I’m going to be saved by some guy who doesn’t even have shoes.’ Thorin concluded running his hand over his face and turning back to his cards.

‘Maybe he’s y’know’ Fili started.

‘Mad’ Kili ended.

Thorin just nodded at them, it hadn’t really made him feel better but they were trying. Thorin returned to his cards whilst Dwalin and Balin started having a silent conversation behind Thorin’s back, which involved a lot of pointing and some rude gestures on Dwalin’s part.

Nori watched as the figure made is way across the courtyard. ‘Hello?’ the figure cried. Oh Mahal this guys an idiot. After no reply, I mean really, what was he expecting; the ‘knight’ seemed to come to the conclusion that no one was home and began striding across the courtyard. It was then Nori began to count, ‘5…’

Thorin sighed as Dwalin’s furry paw patted him back.

‘4…3…’

Smaug appeared. His crimson head raising though the large door from the castle into the courtyard. The coins stuck in his scales glittered. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional coin falling to the ground, echoing throughout the castle.

‘2…’

Smaug growled. Opening his mouth wide he swept close to the figure that stood like a statue in front of him. And…

‘Oh Yavanna!’ Nori cried in shock.

‘What? Was it particularly worse than usual?’ Fili and Kili asked in unison.

‘Wow. You have to see this. Thorin come here,’ He said excitedly.

‘Nori,’ Thorin sighed, ‘I really do not want to see-’. ‘No one’s ever done that before.’ Nori laughed.

‘What?’ Dwalin asked standing, smoothing him dress as he walked over to the window. Dwalin’s jaw dropped at what he saw. ‘Bless my bow. He’s talking to him.’

‘What?’ Several members of the company began to crowd around the window to see what was happening.

‘He’s talking to the furnace with wings. Well, I’ve lost a few pennies… my time’s up.’ Bofur exclaimed, twisting his hat in his hands in anticipation.

Thorin stayed on the other side of the room with Balin and Bifur as the others watched. He had learnt the hard way that if he saw them, saw their faces, it hurt more when they failed.

There was a collective gasp and all eyes at the window turned to Thorin. Thorin just frowned but before he could ask why all of a sudden he’d become so interesting.

‘He’s coming up!’ Dwalin said in disbelief. Saying it out loud seemed to break everyone out of their thoughts.

Suddenly Thorin was ambushed by fairy-tale creatures. Dori, Ori and Gloin ran around the room trying to tidy it as quickly as possible. Bifur, Bofur and Bombur were arguing about the colour of the table cloth.

‘No sign of Smaug.’ Nori called as he scampered from the window to the door, keeping an ear out for Prince charming. To be honest Nori had not expected the prince to be so short but he didn’t have time to think about that. He would see him up close in just a few moments.

The rest of the company encircled Thorin. Hands and paws pulled at Thorin’s hair and clothes making him hiss in a mixture of annoyance and pain. Plus Oin was definitely not helping, since he couldn't see Thorin it made it a lot harder to fix his hair.

This cannot be happening. Finally! Flowers were pushed into his hand as the company man-handled him to the bed. Right, ok, this is not a drill.

‘Remember the plan,’ Dwalin said, placing his hand on Thorins’ shoulder as the others still ran around the room, ‘Pretend to sleep, he walks up and kisses you, we’re all cured. We live happily ever after. It’s what all the books say.’

Thorin was about to respond when Nori shouted that he could hear him running up the stairs in the tower. He was getting close.

‘He’s getting clos-‘

Suddenly a short figure, who was indeed not wearing any shoes, burst into the room, sending poor Nori flying, though he landed on his feet, he hissed loudly. Thorin was about to lay in position when a loud roar came from the other side of the door.

‘You didn’t slay the dragon!’

The ‘knight’ pushed the door with all his strength, trying to close it, preferably with the big scary dragon on the other side. Pushing the stone hard with his shoulder he pushed Smaug’s nose from the doorway quickly slamming it behind him. There was silence for a very brief moment then flames licked at the sides of the door, shining brightly through the space between the door and the wall.

For a moment everything was still. The figure took a deep breath and sighed in relief. ‘Phew. Right ok so I-‘

His speech was cut short as he turned to look into the room. Bilbo’s eyes widened almost comically at the sight before him. His eyes travelled around the room in shock. There was a hen with a little chicken desperately trying to look at him over the hen’s wing, and a cat wearing boots glaring at him.

A pig, small elf and man with a ridiculous hat stood together holding two different coloured tablecloths. It looked as though they had been arguing over them before Bilbo burst in.

Two boys stood staring at him. They looked incredibly similar; the only noticeable difference was their hair colour. The dark haired boy started tapping the blonde boy frantically, yet neither took their eyes off him.

Bilbo’s eyes travelled further. There was a bear, but not just any bear, this bear was ginger! And he was holding a mouse with tiny sunglasses and a cane. A blind mouse, no way.

Next to grand bed was a wolf…in…a…dress? Ok, had Bilbo hit his head or something and not realised it? Maybe it was- wait did that clock just blink? Yep, definitely crazy.

Bilbo closed his eyes tightly. There was no way this was happening. He opened them again warily one at a time. Still there.

He pinched his arm. Nope, not a dream. He had probably just gone mad. He had told Gandalf Hobbit’s didn’t adventure for a reason. Certainly not quests to save princes from towers!

It was then that Bilbo noticed the one on the bed. Oh my. Bilbo was glad it was not a dream now. This one was not like the others. He was beautiful. Bilbo let out a gasp. The elf just stared back at him with piercing blue eyes. Out of the corner of his eye he was sure he saw the clock smile.

Bilbo swallowed picking up his jaw from the ground. He licked his lips and smiled, in a way that he hoped appeared confident.

‘Bilbo Baggins at your service’ Bilbo stuttered bowing as the elf stood. ‘I’m here to, um rescue you’.

The elf just stared at him.

‘So… is there like another way out of here because, well, I think that way might be a bit…um.. dragony.’ Bilbo laughed awkwardly as he motioned to the door behind him.

‘That was the only way out laddie.’ The clock said kindly, hopping towards Bilbo.

‘Oh.’ Bilbo frowned.

‘You were supposed to slay the furnace with wings.’ The man in the hat cried.

‘He means the dragon,’ The clock said in response to Bilbo’s confused expression.

‘Look I didn’t even know there was going to be a dragon! And anyway how in Aule’s name am I supposed to kill that thing, it’s like 20 times bigger than me!’

‘It is of no matter whether he slayed the dragon or not,’ the elf said sharply.

Bilbo turned from the clock, smiling at the elf as he approached. He was simply wonderful.

‘I am to be saved from this tower by my true love, Halfling.’ He spat.

Bilbo's face fell. He certainly did not like seeing this elf’s faced marred with such an expression of contempt, especially when directed at him.

‘Thorin, none has ever made it this far and he fought a dragon to-‘

‘But he did not fight Smaug did he? He talked pretty and ran like a coward. He is not my true love. My true love is to be prince charming not some grocer. This is a joke!’ He cried, turning away from Bilbo and stalking towards another door.

On his way he grabbed the flowers he left of the bed and threw them across the room, grumbling as he slammed the door. The room was very quiet.

Ok, so that had hurt. Granted Bilbo did not have many expectations, given his lack of knowledge when it comes to adventures, but he did not think that being shouted at and insulted by the very person he came to save was on his list. And now he was stuck in this tower, guarded by a dragon! With an elf who apparently hated him and a load of fairy-tale creatures.

‘Well that could have been worse’ Bofur commented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's he gonna do now?!  
> Feedback is greatly appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. You Made Me Feel Like Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Bilbo's in the tower surrounded by fairytale creatures, whilst Thorin goes off and sulks, but the real question is what now? Bilbo is stuck between some questionable characters, who look like they're contemplating eating him, and a dragon that's definitely going to eat him. Maybe tea is the answer??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the chapter titles are based on songs from the Shrek soundtracks. (Title - Accidentally in love - Counting Crows, Chapter 1- Changes by Butterfly Boucher & David Bowie, Chapter 2 - Holding out for a hero by Jennifer Saunders, Chapter 3 - Ever fallen in love by Pete Yorn) (I don't own any of these songs, all rights reserved)
> 
> Mild swearing in this chapter.

The clock clapped his hands together after a few moments of silence. The stubborn elf had left the room full of tension so thick you could probably slice it and put it on sandwiches, Bilbo thought to himself. Thinking of food reminded him of how hungry he was.

But now was not the time to think of his stomach. He was trapped in the tallest tower, in the middle of nowhere, with some questionable characters, and a dragon waiting behind the only exit. Well done Bilbo, he thought to himself. The way they were all staring was starting to make him feel uncomfortable. They were looking at him the way a warg would a piece of meat. They could kill him, right here, right now. They could eat him!

Oh Aulë, was he stuck between cannibals and a dragon?! He decided to amend his fear filled thoughts in the way any respectable Baggins would, logic.

They would not be classed as ‘cannibals’, technically, because they weren’t hobbits, some of them weren’t even humanoid. Dammit. That was not comforting. Bilbo was just about to turn to the Took side of his brain for comfort when the clock spoke.

‘Right. I think it is best that we all sit down and get acquainted. Please, sit.’ He said, motioning to the large table surrounded by an assortment of odd chairs, stools and a bench.

Bilbo followed his direction, cautiously sitting on a bench positioned at the centre of the side of the very large table. The strange mix of fairy-tale creatures came to sit down at the table as well. Each heading to a specific seat, as though they had assigned places.

The two boys came to sit on each side of the hobbit, a little closer than he would have appreciated, on the bench alongside him. The clock was lifted onto the table, in front of Bilbo, by the wolf, who scowled a little at the hobbit.

‘Ah, there we are. First of all introductions’ the clock smiled. ‘My name is Balin and I shall go clockwise around the table.’ The clocks smile was comforting to Bilbo though he couldn’t be sure why. As to a sane hobbit, any inanimate object smiling at you would be deeply troubling.

Bofur snorted, ‘As if you could go anyway other than clockwise’.

The company just looked unimpressed. Bilbo bit his lip to stop himself laughing. It would be unseemly to laugh at his one of his hosts. Was ‘host’ the right word? They didn’t look like they were going to eat him…

Balin cleared his throat, ignoring Bofur’s comment, ‘This is my brother Dwalin.’ Dwalin grunted at him slightly, crossing his arms across his chest. Right, Dwalin did not seem to like him. Good to know he guessed.

‘Then we have the Ur brothers, Bofur in the hat, then Bifur and Bombur.’ Bofur waggled his fingers as his brothers nodded at Bilbo.

‘The mouse, he’s called Oin.’ The mouse, who was facing Bofur instead of Bilbo, waved cheerily.

‘This way Oin.’ The blonde boy said, softly nudging him round to face Bilbo. The mouse didn’t seem fazed by his mistake; he thanked the boy and waved again just as enthusiastically as the first time.

‘Next to you is Fili,’ Balin pointed at the blonde to Bilbo’s right, ‘And on the other side is his brother, Kili.’ he continued, pointing to the brunette on Bilbo’s left.

‘Hello!’ They said in unison, both waving at the hobbit.

That was a little freaky but then again, Bilbo thought, not the craziest thing to happen today.

‘Then next to Kili is Gloin.’ The ginger bear nodded at him.

‘Followed by the Ri Brothers, this is Dori and next to him is young Ori.’ The young chicken waved enthusiastically but the hen clucked suspiciously and tried to shield Ori from the hobbit with his large wing.

‘The cat next to me is Nori.’ The cat just glared at him. Why was he?...oh yes.

‘Ah, Master Nori I must apologise for hitting you with the door upon my entrance. I would have apologised at the time but I was, well, a bit preoccupied.’ Bilbo said, bowing his head slightly to the cat.

Nori seemed satisfied with this. He nodded at the hobbit, tail still waving and curling behind him.

‘I fear that I will have difficulty remembering all your names,’ Bilbo said worriedly, ‘I apologise in advance. And what about… erm’ He pointed towards the door that the beautiful elf had stormed through.

‘Ah, and last but not least, that was Prince Thorin.’ Balin said, motioning to the door.

‘Ah yes, we said but a few words to each other but I fear feelings on his part have already been decided.’ Bilbo said, trying to keep the sadness from his voice. The room was silent and the company looked at each other, not quite sure what to do or say. Finally Balin broke the silent with a startled cry.

‘Oh goodness, my apologies, we have not had a guest in centuries, forgive our manners, could we get you anything to drink? Would you like some tea Master… Baggs did you say your name was?’

‘Bilbo Baggins,’ He corrected, nodding at Balin. ‘But just Bilbo is fine.’

‘And I would absolutely adore some tea, please.’ Oh tea. He tried to fight his giddiness. That’s what he needed. A nice cup of tea and everything would make sense.

Bofur jumped up at this, heading over to a small kitchen area, which Bilbo hadn’t noticed. Then a thought struck him and he frowned.

‘But may I ask how you have it, didn’t you say that you been here for years?’

‘We get a special shipment each fortnight. At first we had only enough stores to last us a year so we-‘

‘Do not tell him everything! How do we know that we can trust him?’ The wolf spoke, leaning forward to hiss into the clocks ear, or at least where the ear would be if he wasn’t a clock. Despite this half-hearted attempt at secrecy it was not hard to hear what he said.

Bilbo felt a bit offended at that accusation. He could understand a little mistrust, they did not know each other well, but he had travelled across Middle-Earth to try and help save the prince. At the very least he had that!

‘Oh hush brother, who is he to tell? Smaug? Us?’ Balin amended his brother. There was still a chance he could be the one. He was starting to get a good feeling about this hobbit. He saw the good whereas his brother just saw the bad.

Dwalin grumbled to himself something indistinguishable, but definitely featuring ‘clocks’ and ‘betrayal us in a second,’ as he leant back into his seat, though he did seem more at ease.

Balin was about to speak when he was interrupted by Bofur, ‘Would you like sugar Bilbo? I’m afraid we only have powdered milk and I don’t find that it mixes very well with tea. In fact I would say it’s disgusting but that is just my opinion.’ He pulled a face.

‘Sugar please, two lumps’ Bofur nodded, putting the sugar cubes in Bilbo’s cup.

‘Here.’ He smiled, passing a cup to Bilbo. ‘Thank you! You know I haven’t had a good cup of tea since I left my house almost, what, six months ago.’

The hobbit lifted the cup to his lips and sighed into the liquid perfection. He closed his eyes, savouring the heat and taste of the drink. After taking a long sip, he sighed, ‘Oh, come on, that’s lovely.’ he breathed.

‘It is good if I do say so m’self,’ Bofur mused, looking into his cup with such scrutiny it was as though he had never seen it before. ‘I suppose I should be good at making tea since it’s the only drink I can taste.’

Bilbo almost missed this comment, as he was far too busy having a lovely reunion with tea and, by direct association, his sanity. The hobbit ran Bofur’s words through his mind again; they did not quite seem to register the first time. When he realised what the hat wearing man had said his eyes flew open and he frowned.

‘What do you mean it’s the only drink you can taste?’ He must have heard wrong.

‘It’s part of my curse, as the mad hatter the only drink I can taste is tea. Everything else tastes of … just nothingness. Perks of the curse I suppose.’ He shrugged, toasting his cup and taking a gulp of his tea.

‘What curse?’ Bilbo asked.

Bofur chocked slightly on his tea and turned to frown at Bilbo. His expression then morphed to a small smile. ‘I get it. You’re joking. Maybe try not to do that when I’m drinking. I’d hate to die of choking on tea. It would be embarrassing’. He turned back to his tea.

Bilbo’s frown deepened. The company seemed to have followed Bofur’s line of thinking because their faces turned from frowns of confusion to frowns of disapproval.

‘I don’t really think the curse is something to joke about laddie’ Balin said softly.

‘What curse?! I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Bilbo cried raising his hand in exasperation. How could he be making a joke about something he knew nothing about? Just when Bilbo thought he was on top of all the madness something else came along to pull the rug out from underneath him.

Balin levelled him with an inquisitive look. After a few moments Balin seemed to come to the conclusion that Bilbo was telling the truth.

‘You don’t know about the curse?’ He said weakly as the company stared at him in disbelief.

‘No. I didn’t know about the dragon either. Does the dragon have something to do with this curse? He is not your friend is he? Because I think I was at best a little rude to him.’ He heard someone gasp. Had Bilbo insulted their friend?

There was a flutter of hushed whispering as the company turned to each other. Apparently this was the last thing they had expected him to say.

‘No lad, do not worry about the dragon right now. Am I right in thinking that if you don’t know about the curse you also don’t know about the prophecy?’ Balin said. His face seemed frozen in an expression of a mixture of confusion and shock.

Bilbo shook his head. He could see the cogs whirring, at an alarming pace, in Balin’s head… literally.

‘If you aren’t here to break the curse then why are you here?’ Dwalin questioned. This was suspicious.

‘To help that’s all. Gandalf told me that the prince was trapped in the tower and that he needed me. He wasn’t very specific about _why_ I was needed. All he said was that he needed a hobbit and I was the only hobbit mad enough to go with him. Adventures are very much frowned upon in the Shire, my home.’ He answered.

‘Gandalf brought you here?’ Balin asked, sharing a look with Dwalin.

‘Yes. He brought me here then at the last minute he buggered off. He said he was needed _urgently_ elsewhere and told me to go ahead. He said I would know what I needed to do when I got here.' Which he didn’t, of course. Things that Gandalf said were simple hardly ever were. Actually, come to think of it, anything that wizard did and said always had layers of meaning and trickery.

‘He told you so little,’ Kili said confused, ‘Why would you go with him?’

‘Honestly, I almost didn’t.’ Bilbo laughed humourlessly, the reality of his situation starting to catch up with him. He sighed, resting his head on his hand.

‘Look you must understand the Shire is a beautiful place, with rolling green hills and blooming flowers. Everything is peaceful, every day is calm. Full of food, drinking and smoking.’

‘Why would you leave such a place?’ Fili asked in bewilderment. The others nodded in agreement. It sounded perfect.

‘Because that’s all it is. Nothing ever really happens.’ He sighed. How could he explain it without sounding mad? Perhaps he was mad. He wouldn’t put it past himself to go mad and forget to inform himself of this change.

Bilbo decided honesty was the best policy, as thieving old Sackville-Baggins used to say, much to Bilbo’s annoyance as she was the least honest person he’d ever met. Even less than Gandalf, well, he guessed that wasn’t really fair. Gandalf never lied per say, he just neglects to tell you things, usually quite important things.

He pulled his earlobe, a nervous habit he’d had since he was a hobbitling, and spoke again.

‘I’m a middle aged hobbit who lives alone, spending the majority of his time reading or studying maps. I’m always planning trips that I will never go on. I’ve always thought that there must be more to life than the Shire, than my hobbit hole. So when Gandalf turned up I figured when else would I get an opportunity to go on an adventure. To not only see the world but make a difference in it.’

‘Other hobbits would blame my Took side.’ Bilbo smiled to himself, feeling kind of home sick, but he knew that the past few months had been the best of his life.

‘What’s a Tuck?’ Ori asked.

‘A T-oo-k, it’s a family name, my mother was a Took. Tooks are known for doing very un-hobbity things … like adventures, for example. Not considered a very respectable bunch.’ He grinned at Ori, who smiled back.

Bilbo missed the looks shared by the rest of the company. To them he sounded like a good potential true love for Thorin, even if neither of the two realised it yet.

‘We need to fill you in’ Balin said, ‘There is a lot you need to know.’

The others nodded in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading (sorry for any mistakes). More chapters on the way very soon.


	4. Just Gotta Let It Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin-centric chapter. There was no way the halfling was his true love, I mean come on! A halfing and an elf?! It would never work!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chapter title comes from I Need Some Sleep - Eels. (I don't own this song))

The prince stormed down the corridor, reaching the door to his quarters. He wrenched the door open and slammed it behind him. Turning away angrily to face his empty room, digging his hands into his mass of hair. His breath was heavy, he pulled on his hair slightly in frustration. This was ridiculous. Why did he… why did he let…

He took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly. The elf felt his anger beginning to bleed away, quickly being replaced by sadness. His heart sunk in disappointment.

He had really thought that this one… this time… this time it would happen. He had felt so close to his home, in Rivendell, he could almost taste it. He was so close to seeing his family again. 300 years was too long. It was as though fate had waved his desires in front of his face only to rip them up and throw them out of the window. And he was so sick of this waiting. He had been beginning to think that perhaps he would be better off going home and just living with the curse.

Thorin steadied himself against the bedpost and sniffed. He felt so drained. This morning was just like any other. Calm, if not slightly monotonous, then suddenly all this action. The running around, the hair pulling, the speedy tidying…the disappointment. It had all happened so quickly Thorin had not even had time to catch up with what was happening.

He sighed dragging himself to sit on his bed. The bed in the main room was purely used for decoration now. For the first month he had slept on that bed. He had been young, naïve and hideously hopeful. Each night he went to bed hoping that his true love would come in the night and rid him of the curse, so he could go home. He slept very little back then, too worried that he would miss the arrival of his knight in shining armour. Whenever he heard a noise outside he would run to the window. By the end of the month however, after the death of 10 knights, of which Thorin had watched intently, Thorin moved to sleep in his own private room.

He had used the excuse that the bed was uncomfortable. He said it was too hard, which was not wholly a lie; whoever had made the bed obviously wanted whoever slept in it to suffer.

The main reason he had wanted his own room was privacy. The few months after the first had been particularly bad. During these six months or so of living in the tower Thorin had become rather depressed.

The likelihood of being saved appeared to be dwindling day by day. Each day felt long. After a while Thorin stopped even going to the window when a knight appeared, he would just sit and wait for the roar of the dragon, the scream of the knight and then the silence. He would wake each morning, with slightly less hope than the day before, and each night go to bed disappointed.

Added to this, Thorin missed his family so much. Although the company greatly helped relieve loneliness, he could not imagine what his state of mind would be like if he was alone, he still felt the gap left by his immediate family. Throughout the years moments had cropped up in which Thorin longed for a specific member of his family.

When he had shut himself away in his room to cry, all he wanted was his mother to hold him like she had when he was a child, singing as she stroked his dark hair. When he was at a loss of what to do he wished for his father to be there to give him comforting wisdom. When he needed cheer he longed for his brother and sister, who would no doubt make jokes at his expense, but ultimately make him feel better in the end.

Of course he was not without his family in the tower; several members of the company were his cousins and second cousins. The closest of which being Fili and Kili, Balin and Dwalin. His half-brothers, well adopted cousins, Fili and Kili were the closest family he had, but they were young when they decided to come with Thorin. Thorin had felt guilty about bringing them to this tower for so long.

He had argued against them coming but his family had argued back that he needed close family, and anyway he wouldn’t be in the tower that long. For the first few years Thorin had forbid the rest of the company for telling Fili and Kili what he was going through. They were too young, in his opinion, to be burdened by his sadness. This had continued until Fili and Kili had confronted him. They did not want him to hide his feelings from them just because he thought they were too young, they were not elflings, they could handle the truth.

Thorin had needed his own room because he had needed his privacy. It was not the company nosily clattering into the main room in the morning, whilst making breakfast, waking him up, that inspired this. It was that he needed somewhere in which it was safe to cry, somewhere where none would see. He could stay inside the room all day if he wanted to. Some days he just felt that he wanted to be alone; sometimes he just couldn’t handle the company. Although most of the company, especially Balin and Dwalin would, knock on his door during those days. They did not like him sitting around alone in his room. They respected his need for space but they did not want to him to brood alone.

Today was one of those days that Thorin was glad to have his own room.

Tears welled up in his eyes. He ran his hands over his faces, placing them in a prayer position in front of his mouth. A tear dripped from his eye. Thorin quickly wiped it away. He had cried too many tears over his curse, and he would not cry over this… this Halfling.

There was a knock at his door. ‘Thorin.’ Dwalin called from the other side of the door.

‘Can we come in?’ Fili and Kili called.

‘Who’s we?’ Thorin called smiling sadly, trying to keep the tears from his voice. After the first few years or so of waiting in the tower, the company had made an intervention. They had become a support group of sorts. They did not like him hiding his feelings, and made him promise to always tell at least one of them if something was wrong. Thorin did try, he really did, but it was hard as he had always been one to hide his feelings. It was part of his personality.

‘Dwalin, Fili and Kili that’s it.’ Dwalin called again. There was a pause. ‘Look, Thorin let us in ya bastard.’ Dwalin called exasperatedly. He had never been one for patience, goodness only knows how he hadn’t lost his mind after 300 years.

That made Thorin smile. Dwalin did try to be helpful when it came to feelings but in nature the elf, or more recently wolf, was very gruff. He was a fighter not a seamstress, though Dwalin did have a certain affection for some, quite questionable, flowery fabrics.

‘Come in.’ Thorin called, resigning himself for some, what some (with little sense) would call, support.

Dwalin had his gruff and tough demeanour. Fili and Kili were… well. They tried to be helpful, tried a bit too hard sometimes. They were very excitable and young. Although their enthusiasm did cheer Thorin up on days in which it had been particularly hard to get out of bed.

The door creaked open. Thorin, who had his back to the door, turned his head slightly to the side but did not turn around. He felt weight behind him on the bed. Fili appeared at Thorin’s right and as Kili appeared on his left.

Fili’s arm slid around Thorin’s, linking their arms and leaning against him. Thorin patted his hand softly on Fili’s arm.

As though in synchronisation with his brother, Kili also tucked his arm around Thorin’s. He leant his head against the elf’s shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the soft fabric of Thorin’s clothes.

Thorin smiled, leaning his head against Kili’s, chuckling as his long hair fell across his face, making Kili splutter, ‘Sorry’ and went to move his hair away, lifting his head.

Fili jumped in at that point pulling his long hair back as though he was going to put it into a ponytail.

‘Thanks Fee.’ He said, resting his head on top of Kili’s again as Fili settled back into position.

‘I hope you’re not expecting me to cuddle ya.’ Dwalin said gruffly as he walked around the bed. He picked up a chair and placed it in front of Thorin.

‘Nah’ Thorin smirked slightly, motioning to his black shirt. ‘Aren’t you moulting?’

Dwalin just gave him the middle finger in response as he lower himself into the chair, carefully straightening his lavender coloured floral pattern dres.

The wolf crossed his legs and leant back in his seat, levelling Thorin with a serious look, ‘Thorin, the guy-‘

‘The guy what Dwalin? He’s not my true love.’ This was ridiculous. I mean come on a halfling? An elf and a halfling? It would never work.

'He came all this way though. He came for the other side of Middle Earth!'

'I don't care if he walked through Mordor that doesn't make him my true love' Why were they pushing this? He hadn’t even slain the dragon. Even if he were an elf Thorin would have doubts. He obviously had no idea what he was doing.

Fili scoffed, 'As if anyone could simply walk through Mordor, stop being ridiculous.' There was a pause in the conversation. Fili and Dwalin were sharing a look when Kili spoke.

‘Anyway, how do you know?’ He said quietly.

'How do I know what?' Thorin questioned. He knew they were going to give him a hard time about this. Why didn’t they just accept it? If his true love had walked through the door he would know about it.

'How can you _know_ that he's not your true love?' Kili reiterated. It was not such a crazy idea that the hobbit could be the elf’s one. And anyway how could he know? He had hardly spoken a few words to the hobbit before fleeing. How could he know someone wasn’t his true love without even speaking to them properly?

‘Kili, you, you could not possibly understand this-‘

‘Why not? Think about it, he made it to the tower, and he’s nice and seems sweet. He went up against a dragon, admittedly through a door but still…’

‘Wasn’t very graceful though was it, remember the prophecy.’ Dwalin added, raising his eyebrow at Kili.

‘Well, the prophecy says grace and heart. First of all he’s obviously got heart because he came all this way to save somebody he didn’t know. He says he didn’t even know about the curse. And grace well, what if it’s like _grace_ as in _good will_ instead of like _graceful grace_.’

Kili had been thinking about this over the past few years. Maybe Thorin was not being broad enough in his thinking. He just assumed that his perfect match would be exactly like him. Maybe Thorin needed someone who was different. It made sense. But the others, with the exception of his brother, brushed of his idea. Always telling him that he did not understand that he was too young to understand. Well forget that.

It fit. Even in terms of the blue wizard, it would mean that Thorin would pretty much be cursed for life if his true love was a creature that never left the boarders of its homeland. It all fit, but Balin told him not to push it. Balin said Thorin would figure things out as they came along but Kili knew him better than that. Sometimes you just need to drill it into his skull that what he’s decided is definitely the case might not be at all and this was one of the most prominent of those moments in Thorin’s life.

Fili hummed, ‘That’s a good point.’

'I mean we always assumed that it would be an elf that would save you, but what if it isn't. Grace as in graceful applies to an elf of course but what if it's a different race? What if it's a hobbit who is not particularly graceful but has grace in his nature?'

‘Enough! I said he’s not my true love, he’s not my true love. He’s certainly no Prince Charming, he's not even a prince.’ And that was final, Thorin thought.

Kili just rolled his eyes. Thorin had studied too many fairy-tales. He had made them his gospel, like his guidebook to how the curse would be broken. But fairy-tales are often prone great exaggeration. Perhaps it was time for a new fairy-tale.

Honestly everything would be a lot simpler if Thorin pulled himself away from this ‘Prince Charming’ fallacy.

‘He is charming though.’ Kili muttered in Thorin’s shoulder. The elf made an affronted sound. He was about to argue back when Dwalin groaned.

‘Look we get it. He’s not your true love! But that doesn’t mean you can’t get along with him or even like him.' Dwalin barked. He let out a resigned sigh.

He was a little testy right now, during Kili’s theory he had realised that he was missing one of his slippers. Even after all these years his paws never really felt like his own, it was as though he had dulled senses in his back paws, so it had been discovered, much to Nori’s delight, that Dwalin didn’t notice that he was only wearing one slipper until he saw is bare paw or someone pointed it out to him.

He knew that Nori took it. It was all well and good knowing that he took it but the cat would just deny it and Dwalin would end up searching for it. They had played this game for 300 years and yet it did not seem to get old for Nori.

On the one hand Dwalin would sometimes commend Nori, secretly to himself, he would never say this to the cat, that he was able to take it without him seeing.

'He’s an alright guy Thorin, and now he’s stuck here ‘til he figures out a way out and around Smaug or Gandalf comes after him.’

'He might even stay.' Fili added.

‘I hope he stays.’ Kili responded, smiling, ‘I like him.'

Fili hummed ‘Me too’ in agreement.

‘Wait...Why would Gandalf come after him?’ Thorin said, confused, ‘What does the wizard have to do with the hobbit?’

‘Wait, no changing the subject. I’ll tell you but first you’ve got to promise to at least try to get along with him. Promise.’

‘Fine. I promise I’ll try. Now what’s this about that wizard?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	5. From Misery to Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter title from I'm On My Way by the Proclaimers)

Bilbo had been in this tower for two days now and he had not seen Thorin since the moment he arrived. He had become well aquatinted with the company. Finding them surprisingly easy to talk to and had gotten on with them like a straw house on fire.

Bilbo had slept on the large bed in the main room, the past two nights. It was unbelievably hard but the company promised that if he was still here after a week they would clear out their spare room for him.

Right now they were sat in the main room, just after lunch. Bilbo was stood, in the kitchen corner next to the table, talking to the group, who were sitting on the long table, whilst he dried plates that Bifur passed to him as he washed them.

Bilbo had found it intriguing but also tremendously sweet that all the plates were different, each individual to the one who ate from it. Like Oin’s tiny plate with different sections for different foods so that he knew what he was eating. Or Dwalin’s pale yellow plate decorated with small purple flowers.

‘I can’t believe how little you knew about the quest before you went on it.’ Kili said. ‘You sure you’re not crazy?’ Fili laughed. ‘Death wish maybe?’ Dwalin smirked. At first Dwalin had seemed quite harsh but as he warmed up to the hobbit, Bilbo had come to realise that the gruffness was just his demeanour, and after that they seemed to be getting on alright.

Bilbo chuckled. ‘Perhaps, I am crazy.’ He smiled. ‘That’s definitely what they’re saying at home. They’ll be called me ‘Mad Baggins’ and blame my took side.’

‘Gandalf told you so little it’s almost unbelievable.’ Fili said frowning.

‘Maybe he was influenced by whatever he smokes in that pipe’ Kili added, laughing with his brother.

Bilbo snorted, putting the dish he was drying on the cupboard and taking the one Bifur was holding out for him. The wizard did have some questionable choices when it came to pipe weed.

‘That could be true. But you can’t be too harsh, he didn’t’ leave out any big bits. Like, I don’t know, a huge fire-breathing dragon, or an 300 year old curse. It was only the little things he left out.’ He said sarcastically, chuckling again at the company's enthusiastic agreement.

‘I wasn’t even told that the prince I was supposed to be helping escape the tower would look like-’ Bilbo suddenly seemed to realise who he was talking to and shut his mouth. He had got too caught up in laughing at Gandalf’s expense to stop himself. Bilbo went back to drying the dish. Focusing intently, avoiding eye contact with the 12 pairs of eyes now watching him.

‘That he’d be what?’ Fili and Kili asked slyly, glancing at Balin and Dwalin.

Bilbo sighed. ‘You know, that he’d be…’ Dwalin raised a furry eyebrow. Good one Bilbo, he thought to himself. Way to paint yourself into a potentially very embarrassing corner. There was a long pause as the company waited for his to elaborate. All eyebrows raised in knowing looks. Dammit.

‘Ok I did not know that I would get to the tower to find 12 fairy-tale creatures and an astonishingly beautiful elf’ he snapped. Bilbo received a few wolf whistles in response to this.

‘Such sweet words’ Fili teased, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. Bilbo huffed, then smirked. Two could play at that game.

‘I did not think that at first sight my heart would melt into my non-existent shoes.’ He clutched his heart. They were not going to have a laugh at Bilbo’s expense. They would laugh with him not at him. If they wanted him to be adoring then he bloody-well would be! He put the plate down on the cupboard, this was gonna require free hands.

His hand fell to his forehead as he sighed, breathing deeply. ‘At one glance of those eyes. They were blue like the coldest ice of the mountains but so warm, hot even, like the fires of mount doom. Melting the ice, releasing steam that evaporated away just like my senses when I first saw him. Those eyes were so wholesome when directed with contempt towards me. I suddenly felt that I should have worn my best waistcoat. Or perhaps nothing at all as no clothing would be good enough to be seen in in his presence.’ Bilbo struck a pose as though he would faint. He began to fan himself with the collar of his jacket.

The company was laughing now; well he assumed they were all laughing. He took the snorting, clucking and tittering as laughter. Bofur was howling clutching his sides, dangerously close to falling off his stool. Bilbo had always liked making people laugh, ever since he was a child.

'Or perhaps I would write him poetry!   
Oh Prince Thorin, you are so adorin',   
when I burst through your door,   
my jaw fell to the flaw.'

The fairytale creatures around him laughed, some clapping at his skill at crafting words so quickly.

'Oh, why thank you, you're too kind' he bowed low. He then fell into an elegant pose. One hand on his heart the other stretched out in front of him.

'How about this one.   
Upon seeing my shock white face,   
Brought upon by your beauty of course,   
You let out a wail,   
Til your voice was near hoarse,

Much like the larger bucket said to the small,   
You stated aloud,  
Like I was the small and you were the tall,   
‘You're looking a little pail!’'

The laughter was quieter this time, more muffled. 'Do you not get it? Pail as in P-A-I-L, like a small bucket, instead of pale like your face' Bilbo explained preparing himself for a laugh. Opening his arms wide to it. Even less response this time, mostly nervous laughter and some snickering. Hmmm, that joke always went over well in the Shire. Maybe it was better suited to farmers and gardeners Bilbo mused.

It was then that Bilbo noticed the look on the faces of several company members. Bofur had his hat stuffed in his mouth to stop from laughing. Fili and Kili, however, we're not a being as successful in stifling their laughter. Kili snickered into Fili's shoulder. That was not the right kind of laughter and it made Bilbo nervous.

But nobody appeared to be looking at Bilbo. All eyes seemed to be focused just slightly to the right of his face.

'What?' Bilbo said cautiously. Was there something in his hair? We're they looking at his ear? Oh goodness, it would be very in respectable for it to be unclean to the extent that everyone was staring at it! He subconsciously ran his hand down the shell of his pointed ear, squeezing the lobe nervously.

He was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

To Bilbo's relief, and confusion, Bofur raised his hand pointing just to the right of Bilbo's head. 'Behind you lad.' He said slowly with a hint of a mischievous look in his eye.

Bilbo frowned and spun on the spot. He was immediately confronted by a slender torso covered in beautiful blue elven fabric. Oh please, on all that is good and proper don’t let it be him! His eyes travelled up the body and finally landed on Thorin’s face. Yep, it was him.

Bilbo let out an undignified squeak. Right Bilbo, play it cool, he thought to himself. ‘Ah’ Bilbo leant to the side, reaching with his elbow to rest it on the cupboard next to him. And. He. Missed. It.

Oh Yavanna! This was a disaster. He could hear Kili snickering, almost cackling now, into Fili’s shoulder.

After stumbling slightly, Bilbo found the cupboard with his elbow and lent in a way that he really hoped looked leisurely. He stuck his hand in his unruly curls and smiled. Good save. This was so embarrassing. It’s not like he was some tween hobbit swooning over the local hunky blacksmith. Although, Bilbo bet that Thorin would look quite… delicious blacksmithing, all shirtless and sweaty and oh Aulë he was staring.

‘Hello, Prince Thorin. How’s it going?’ Bilbo said punching Thorin’s arm, very gently mind you, in a friendly manner. Thorin just stared at the spot on his arm where Bilbo had punched him. He raised his eyebrow at the hobbit.

Ok, so, maybe that was too familiar. He shouldn’t have done that. He stood up straight again, bowing a little. Quick Bilbo think on your toes. Say something sophisticated. Something admirable.

‘Um.’ Well done, he thought as he began to sarcastically clap, in his mind, for that utterance of pure suave. He cleared his throat.

‘How long you been there?’ Bilbo said casually as he could, motioning his fingers in a unnecessarily swirly fashion towards where Thorin stood with his arms crossed.

‘Long enough’ Thorin replied with no expression. Thorin thought back to the conversation he’d had with Dwalin and sighed a little. He could do this. Just be nice. Even if he’s not your true love you can still get along with him. He could totally do this.

'My apologies.' Bilbo muttered, bowing slightly again, feeling like an errant child being chastised before being sent to bed without desert. Thorin seemed to have the ability to make Bilbo feel very small. He was obviously smaller than the elf to start with, but he seemed to loom over him.

'Clearly my love life, and hence my curse, is a joke to you, halfling.' Ok Thorin couldn’t do this. He tried. The hobbit is all small and shy, but apparently quite bitchy when your back is turned. Thorin hadn’t been than offended by what Bilbo said, but unbeknownst to himself he was mainly just looking for reasons not to like him.

'Oh no, no,no Prince Thorin, you must understand I do not see your love life or anything of the sort to be a joke.' Thorin just looked unimpressed.

Bilbo sighed disappointedly, letting his shoulders sag a little. He just wanted the elf to like him. Bilbo composed himself. This was going to take heartfelt honesty again. This was his last card; if this didn’t work Thorin will probably hate him forever. He pulled his waistcoat, picking non-existent lint off it. ‘Look, may I speak freely? Perhaps a little out of turn?’

‘Have you not already?’ Thorin replied, catching his face almost fall into a smile. Obviously his brain had forgotten to inform he rest of his face that he didn’t like the hobbit. There was not way he was going to like the hobbit, no matter how funny or sweet.

Thorin could not help but think that this halfling was… strange. But, to Thorin’s surprise, not one hundred percent hat him forever strange. Not strange like his sister’s terrible attempts at lembas bread. Strange like a new exotic fruit or a new blade that you were not accustomed to yet. But none of this meant that Thorin liked him.

‘Look, I know that you and I got off to a… less than favourable start. And I'm sorry about that, just now. I was ... I just seem to have made everything worse.' The hobbit looked heartbreakingly sad at that, not that Thorin cared. He sighed and continued.

'There appears to have been some miscommunication. I didn’t know about the dragon, or the prophecy-‘

‘You told him the prophecy?!’ Thorin cried turning to glare at the company.

‘We did not tell him anything that all those who came to rescue you in the past didn’t know.’ Balin snapped, honestly he was kind of insulted at Thorin’s lack of trust in them. Like they would tell a stranger the details of Thorin’s curse! But come to think of it, it may become unavoidable if the hobbit is stuck here.

‘Oh. My apologies Balin.’ Thorin said looking rightfully chastised for his mistrust. It was not that he did not trust them to keep the details of his curse secret, it was just that he worried they would get ahead of themselves. They would decide that the hobbit was his true love, no matter how ridiculous that thought is, and tell him everything. And there is no way that could ever go down well.

'Continue Halfling.’

‘Well first of all, my name is Bilbo Baggins, and I take offence at being called ‘halfling’! Do you have any idea how rude that is!’ he cried. He then reminded himself to breathe. He took a deep breath and calmly he began again. Thorin was surprised. This hobbit obviously had balls if nothing else. It would be kind of hot, if he weren’t a hobbit.

‘Secondly, as I was saying, I was under informed. Before this ‘quest’, if you will, I lived a sheltered and lonely life. I do not regret walking out of my door. I missed, well still miss, my home but I just... just wanted to help, make a difference you know? The only thing that I am sorry for is how long you have waited and that I got your hopes up. I’m sorry I’m not your knight in shining armour.’

Oh Mahal, was this hobbit for real?! That was hideously sweet. Thorin felt his reserve of not liking the hobbit slip away. He gritted his teeth, trying to keep his face neutral but apparently failing.

Thorin caught sight on Dwalin winking at him from the corner of his eye. Damn the hobbit. Why is it so hard to hate him! He's so sincere, with those big sad eyes. Damn again!

Thorin sighed. ‘Do not be sorry something that you are not at fault for ha-Bilbo. But I respect your honesty. I feel that I should apologise also. My reaction to our first meeting was… cruel and selfish. I hope you will forgive me in kind.’ Thorin bowed his head slightly.

Bilbo smiled. He patted his hand to Thorin’s arm. ‘Let us start over.’

‘Forgive and forget’ Thorin said, supressing a smile. They were to be acquaintances nothing more.

‘Forgive but never forget’ Bilbo smiled Took-ishly. Thorin nodded. Smiling was getting harder to resist. He bit the inside of his cheek.

‘Here’ Bilbo said holding his hand out. ‘Start over. Hello, my name is Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo.’ After a moment Bilbo began to worry slightly as his hand was left to hang in the air.

Thorin looked down at the hand in confusion. ‘I appear to be unfamiliar with this gesture. What does it mean?’

‘Oh, it’s called a hand shake. We use it in the Shire. It’s used when people make deals, they shake on it. It’s also used for meeting new people or greeting acquaintances and sometimes friends. Though friends usually give each other high fives instead.’ Bilbo explained. ‘Here’ he smiled ‘hold your hand out like this.’

Thorin mirrored Bilbo’s hand exactly. ‘Oh, no, no other hand.’ ‘Ah’ Thorin grunted switching hands, slightly embarrassed. He could have said that it was the other hand, he was probably just trying embarrass him. Bilbo reached for Thorin’s hand, clasping it softly. Thorin copied.

‘And you shake’ Bilbo concluded as he shook Thorin’s hand in his own. Thorin copied him, shaking rather rougher than the hobbit though, but Bilbo didn’t mind.

Thorin’s hand was warm and soft in Bilbo’s. The touch sent a hot spark up Bilbo’s arm. If Bilbo hadn’t been sure of his health he might have thought that he was having a heart attack. His face began to heat up, blush running up his neck.

It felt as though he was being dipped head first in hot marmalade, though he would imagine this was less sticky. Suddenly, and rather alarmingly to his hobbit sensibility, Bilbo realised what he was thinking. Perhaps some of the madness of the company was rubbing off on him. Head first in hot marmalade! Ridiculous.

'Thorin Durin, son of King Elrond' Thorin replied pulling Bilbo from his sweet but incredibly messy thoughts. The slightly pained frown dropped from Bilbo’s features.

And because Thorin simply couldn't resist, he pulled Bilbo closer by his still clasped hand and leant in closer to the hobbit. His face as serious as he could muster. His voice gravelly and dangerous.

'By the way' he started, pausing, keeping the hobbit in suspense, because well, it was fun.

Bilbo swallowed. 'Y-yes?' he stammered. Maybe shaking his hand hadn’t been the best idea.

'I will tell you this once and once alone, you understand' he threatened, tightened his grip on Bilbo's hand, not enough to hurt but enough so that it was obvious to the hobbit. Bilbo nodded fearfully, looking down at the clasped hands.

'I totally got the bucket joke' he said leaning back to watch Bilbo's face as it morphed from fear to laughter.

'Now we're even' he said. Bilbo had poked fun and Thorin and now Thorin had done the same to him. There was balance to the universe again.

Bilbo laughed cheerfully. His laughter must have been infectious because Thorin also found himself laughing, harder than he had in years come to think of it. The last time he’d laughed like this was when he’d first seen Dwalin after he’d turned into a wolf. The look on his face was priceless as he stared down at the granny dress in horror. It would never not be funny.

They laughed together until tears fell from Thorin's eyes. Once silence fell between the two they seem to realise their audience, who watched with unabashed interest. Some looked confused however most, like a wolf and a clock for example, seemed to be giving them sly looks that never meant anything good.

Thorin and Bilbo's eyes met as they turned their heads away from their audience at the same time. It was then that they seem to realise they were still holding hands. They both quickly released the other. Bilbo's hand flew to his wild curls, whilst Thorin clasped his behind his back.

There was silence. Thorin coughed. 'So I'm just going to...' he said motioning to his room. 'Yeah' Bilbo agreed, blushing slightly, answering a little too quickly.

'Got erm... stuff to do.' He said swinging his arms awkwardly.

'Of course.' 'Busy work being a Prince in a dragon guarded tower and all so yep' Thorin scratched his eyebrow.

'Dwalin will you come help me, with err…with, you know…the thing' Thorin said motioning with his head to his bedroom; it looked like he had some sort of nervous tick.

'Sorry what did you want me to do?' Dwalin teased, grinning at his friend’s discomfort. Oh this was going to be so much fun.

Thorin added a wide exaggerated motion with his eyes to the nervous tick. Bilbo stuffed a knuckle between his teeth to try and stifle his laughter. Thorin looked more than a little ridiculous. He sighed and rolled his eyes, he knew what his friend was up to.

'I'll be in my room.' He muttered and turned on his heel into his room.

Once he'd gone, Dwalin stood. He straightened the cuffs on his dress sleeves as he walked past Bilbo into Thorin's room, grinned wolfishly, as though he could grin in any other way, as he walked by.

Bilbo bit his lip. By all the hills in the Shire, that elf was gorgeous and may have accidentally taken Bilbo's heart with him as he left the room. He was getting an unnecessarily large crush on someone who already had a destined true love. This wasn’t part of the plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or was it?!!  
> Thanks for reading :)


	6. My Beloved Monster and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Bilbo are getting closer and closer but everything can't be all cute and romantic comedy all the time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. The song tath features in this chapter is Cruella Dev Vil from Disney's 101 Dalmations, I recommend you give it a listen before you read because it has the piano solo in it.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQlQRtMWC0c  
> The title for this chapter is based on the song My Beloved Monster by the Eels.

Bilbo had been in the tower for seven days now. During this time Thorin's mind had been a war zone of sorts. There was a battle going on in there, between the side of Thorin's mind that didn't want to like Bilbo and the part of his find that embraced that he liked Bilbo. This battle was worthy of three novels, four movies and at least one heroic song. The rational side of Thorin’s brains would argue that there was no point in getting to know or like Bilbo, regardless of whether he was his true love, which he obviously wasn't! There was no point because Gandalf would come and get him soon, he'd be a mere in drip of ink onto the page of the third volume of his life story of waiting. He was insignificant in comparison to the rest of the 300 years he's been here.  
  
The problem was that the other side of his brain, which also claimed to be the rational side, was screaming at him to acknowledge the fact that every time Bilbo smiled he wanted to smile, every time Bilbo made a joke he wanted to laugh and every time Bilbo looked sad he felt sad.

  
So here he was, watching, hidden in the doorway as the company set to work starting to tidy the spare room.

  
Suddenly Thorin felt a hand on his arm. It was Bilbo.

  
‘Trying to get out of a little work, Thorin?’ He teased, opening the door a little further to peek into the room. It was a decent size, but a complete mess. Much of it had been destroyed. The curtains were torn and pieces of the veiled fabric were strewn across the room.

  
There was a dresser that had been split in half. Both splintered edges leaning against each other for support, as if someone had struck the middle of the dresser with particular force. Feathers were strewn across the room where they’d been torn from the pillows.

  
‘Goodness me what happened here? It looks like a bomb has hit it.’ Bilbo gasped, looking at the awful mess in dismay.

  
‘It is no matter what happened to it in the past, it is yours now, come on let’s make it look presentable’ Thorin said smiling down a him, quickly changing the subject, placing a hand on Bilbo’s back to gently push him into the room.

  
This room held some pretty bad memories for Thorin. He had used this room in his early days as a means of stress relief. He had been angry at the curse, at the wizard, at this stupid tower. So one night he had completely destroyed the room. It had been therapeutic but he would never forget the look of disappointment on Balin’s face.

  
So he locked the door, and there in locked away that anger. It brought back memories of a time of his life that he didn’t particularly want to relive but he understood that 290 years was a long time and it was time for him to move on. Bilbo smiled up at him walking into the room, dragging Thorin by the hand.

  
They had been tidying for about an hour now. The windows were thrown open to try and circulate some air into the room before the company choked on the thick layers of dust now floating in the air.  
Bilbo had just finished helping Ori and

Gloin sweep up the feathers form the floor and looked around for something else to do. That’s when Bilbo spotted a large shape covered in a pale white sheet. Curious he walked up to the shape, looking around him. Nobody seemed to pay him, nor the shape, any attention.

  
‘Hey, what’s under here?’ He asked, raising the corner of the sheet cautiously. Was there a reason nobody had touched it yet? Was he allowed to touch it?

  
‘I’m not sure laddie, take a look, it shouldn’t be anything dangerous.’ Balin called from where he was dusting the mantle.

  
Bilbo shrugged and pulled the sheet from the mysterious object in a cloud of dust, making several members of the company cough and complain loudly. Bilbo sneezed into his sneeze, moving to look at the object before sneezing again.

  
Thorin smiled to himself, turns out Bilbo sneezing is adorable. He chuckled to himself as he picked up broken pieces of mirror, putting them carefully into a bag. He’d chosen this job because it was best someone with opposable thumbs did it, and it was not safe for any unsuspecting paw or bare hobbit foot. He began to sing to himself.

  
_‘Cruella De Vil,_   
_Cruella De Vil,_   
_If she doesn't scare you no evil thing will’_

  
It was a song his mother used to sing to him, it reminded him of his home.  
  
 _‘To see her is to take a sudden chill,_  
 _Cruella,_  
 _Cruella’_

Several members of the company rolled their eyes. Dwalin huffed. Thorin and that bloody song. They had 300 years of that verse and chorus. Many of them hated it by now but didn’t have the heart, or right, to tell Thorin to stop. They understood that he missed his home.  
  
 _She's like a spider waiting for the kill,_  
 _Look out for Cruella De Vil’_

  
And that was it. All he could remember of the song that had plagued his mind for the past 300 years. This was made worse by the fact that none of the company were familiar with the song, leaving Thorin with a song he couldn’t remember and no means of finding out the rest of it. The company had just dubbed it as one of Thorin’s quirks. He would sing this song by doing menial tasks. Always stopping at the same part. Sometimes he’d sing it on repeat, particularly annoying, and other times he would stop and think, trying to remember the words, then swear and go back to what he was doing.

  
On the other side of the room Bilbo’s jaw dropped. It was a beautiful mahogany piano. He ran his hand along the cool wood.

  
‘I’d forgotten we had that.’ Bofur remarked.

  
‘I wonder if it works.’ Bilbo muttered to no one in particular as he sat on the bench in front of it. He gingerly pressed a key with his forefinger. The rich sound rung throughout the room. He then did a scale, noting to his delight that all the keys worked. Deciding he was going to have to play a little something he searched his mind for a song, he then suddenly remembered the song that Thorin had been singing just a moment ago. Cruella De Vil it was then. He stretched his fingers out, waggling them slightly before beginning to play.

  
Upon hearing Bilbo play Thorin dropped the piece of mirror that he was holding, which smashed into many smaller shards. That was it. It was his song. His head snapped around to the hobbit then to all the pairs of eyes that were staring at him, their faces mirror the shock on his face. After about a minute of the song Thorin managed to pull himself out of his shock.

  
Thorin quickly stood, quickly moving to loom over Bilbo. The hobbit just turned to smile at him, scooting up on the piano bench to make space for the elf. Thorin sat slowly, resting his elbow on the side of the piano, careful not to lean on the keys. Bilbo’s shoulder’s shuffled to the beat as he played, smiling widely at the elf.

  
 _At first you think Cruella is a devil,_  
 _But after time has worn away the shock,_  
 _You come to realize you've seen her kind of eyes,_  
 _Watching you from underneath a rock,_  
  
Those were the words! That was it! This hobbit was amazing.

  
_This vampire bat, this inhuman beast_   
_She ought to be locked up and never released,_   
_The world was such a wholesome place until,_   
_Cruella,_   
_Cruella De Vil_

  
Bilbo laughed joyfully, ‘That was fun!’ He exclaimed. ‘Should we have another?’ He asked, as his hands hovered over the keys, ‘There’s plenty more where that came from.’ He said smiling around the room. This smile started to droop as he saw the company staring at him. He turned to look at Thorin. Then something wholly unexpected happened.

  
Thorin hugged him. Bilbo blinked rapidly as he was surrounded by Thorin.

  
Thorin smiled widely for what felt like the first time in years. The room around them was calm. This contrasted greatly to the chaos in his brain right now. The leader of the pro-Bilbo side, who looked like Thorin, well....they all looked like Thorin, was holding up the head of the anti-Bilbo side. Just the head of course, nothing attached. Hundreds of small Thorin's cheered as the anti-Bilbo army's second in command waved a huge white flag. The issue had been resolved. He liked Bilbo.

  
Bilbo gasped. Right, Thorin was hugging him. This was not expected. He brain caught up with his body and he wrapped his arms around Thorin, to hug back, patting his back.

  
‘That song has been stuck in my head for 300 years, I couldn’t remember the rest of the words.’ He breathed, pulling away from the hobbit. ‘Thank you.’

  
‘Well, don’t mention it, happy to help. Do you want me to play it again?’ He smiled. Thorin nodded enthusiastically.

  
That evening, Thorin sat by the large window in the main room. He had plenty of time until sundown. He could relax.

  
Bilbo slid next to him on the bench and yet another internal battle began. Thorin frowned a little; perhaps he had been in this tower too long. Perhaps his mind had gone somewhere along the way, he doubted that sane people pictures hundreds of soldier versions of himself fighting a war over whether he liked somebody. This worried Thorin, but when he looked back at Bilbo he found it hard to think of much else other than the hobbit.

  
‘Hey.’ Bilbo said, swinging his feet that rather embarrassingly didn’t meet the floor. Thorin turned to smile at Bilbo in response.

  
‘Can I ask you a question?’

‘Would it stop you if I said no?’ Thorin asked, raising an eyebrow. Bilbo shrugged amicably.

‘Yes you can’ Thorin sighed, he had a feeling he might regret this.

‘I’ve asked the others, but nobody will tell me what happened to the room. I just wanted to ask. Was it you?’

  
‘Yes. The room has always reminded me of a particularly dark time in my time in this tower. I am not proud of what I did to that room, but I was struggling with my curse.’

  
Bilbo nodded understandingly. As Thorin looked into his eyes, his almost serene feeling was ripped apart by the anarchy that had erupted in his mind. There appeared now to be civil war between members of the pro-Bilbo army. There appeared to be some disagreement as to whether Thorin liked Bilbo or whether he _like_ liked Bilbo.

  
‘Can I ask what your curse is?’ Bilbo asked cautiously, his eyes shining with curiosity. ‘That’s something else nobody will tell me.’ He added.

  
‘I cannot tell you Bilbo. I fear that you will no longer like me.’

  
‘Are you like scary or something?

  
‘Some might say that.’ Thorin answered, mentally thanking his father for teaching Thorin his trademark way of answering questions without actually having to answer them.

  
‘On like a scale between scary like a spider and scary like Gandalf in a mankini, how scary?’ Bilbo asked, holding his hands out in front of him in a sort of scale, with spiders on the left and Gandalf on the right. Thorin laughed loudly.

  
‘I can’t Bilbo.’ He sighed, shaking his head, though a smile still ghosted on his face.

  
‘Alright.’ Bilbo nodded, sounding a little disappointed but he didn’t want to push it. Thorin would tell him when he was ready.

  
‘Just know that I would still like you even if you were scarier at night than, I don’t know, Gandalf and Radagast making out, with lots of tongue.’

  
Thorin pulled a face at the image now unfurling in his mind before scowling at Bilbo for giving it to him.

  
‘Exactly.’ Bilbo laughed, pointing at Thorin’s face.

‘Right.’ He said after a moment, hands patting his thighs. ‘I am going to my lovely bed not made of a rock in my new clean room. Goodnight.’ He smiled at Thorin, bowing a little, before nodding to the rest of the company. Thorin grinned at him in response turning back to the window. It would be sundown soon but for once he was going to watch it. He felt good.

  
Next thing Thorin knew he was awoken by a shout. He groggily opened his eyes to see Bilbo pointing a knife at him. He jumped up, tripping a little over the seat. He was a dwarf. He was in his night form and Bilbo was looking right at him. The hobbits hands shaking a little as he held the knife out at arm’s length, both hands gripped tightly around the handle.

  
‘Wait, it’s alright. I’m not gonna hurt you.’ Thorin said, raising his hands in surrender.

  
‘How do I know that?’ The hobbit cried hysterically.

  
‘I mean no harm.’

  
Bilbo frowned at him in the half light, slowly lowering the knife a little. The dwarf sounded familiar, Bilbo couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. All he knew was that he couldn’t help but trust this stranger.

  
‘Do I know you?’ He asked slowly. ‘You seem oddly familiar.’

  
‘The curse…’ Thorin started, finding that he couldn’t think of the right direction for his speech to take.

  
‘You’re here for Thorin.’ He said under his breath. Of course. He knew that if he didn’t make a move soon someone else would come along, he just hadn’t thought it would happen so quickly. He sighed. He didn’t act quickly enough, he lost. At the very least Bilbo could see Thorin happy, maybe he’d finally tell him the curse.

  
Thorin frowned as Bilbo turned, running from the room. He had not heard what Bilbo said, but he assumed that it was some hobbit prayer or superstition or something. He was running away and honestly it hurt Thorin more than he’d expected. One the plus side, this being the only plus side, he now knew that he couldn’t _like_ like Bilbo if Bilbo was terrified of him.

  
Bilbo ran down the corridor, skidding to a halt in front of Thorin’s door. ‘Thorin!’ He called, knocking on the door. He waited a moment but there was no reply. No groan of annoyance at being woken up in the middle of the night, no command to go away. Then a thought occurred to him.

  
‘Thorin! C’mon, I know you don’t want me to see you but somebody’s here!’ He shouted, pounding the palm of his hand against the door.

  
‘Thorin!’ He shouted, pressing his ear against the door. He heard nothing. No movement or snores or anything.

  
‘I’m coming in.’ He called through the door, turning the handle. He kept his eyes closed as he stepped quickly in to the room. The room was silent. His cautiously opened an eye at a time. The room appeared empty, the bed still made.

  
‘What the bloody hell are you doing? Some of us are trying to sleep you know!’ Dwalin shouted at him, appearing in the doorway with a very bleary eyed pair of boys and a clock.

  
‘Thorin. I can’t find him. Someone’s here!’ He cried, looking around the room again.

  
‘Someone’s here?’ Balin said slowly, sharing a look with Dwalin. They were sure that Bilbo was the one, who was this mystery knight.

  
‘Show us.’ Dwalin growled. They followed Bilbo down the corridor. All the company had their heads poking out of their doors in curiosity, quickly following. Fili dragged a very sleepy Kili along to see the mystery man.

  
As they entered the main room Gloin and Nori quickly set to lighting the lamps, Bilbo quickly walked to the dwarf before turning back to the company. The lamps were lit, filling the room with light to reveal no one but plain old dwarven Thorin.  
‘See here he is. Thorin will be so happy, right?!’ He asked, trying to be cheerful despite his pain.

  
The company’s faces were not what he expected. Some of them looked annoyed but most of them just looked tired.

  
‘He will be so happy you’re here. They thought it was me but now you’re here so… I guess not.’ Bilbo stuttered a little, not really wanting to look at the undoubtedly handsome and chiselled face of Thorin’s true love.

  
‘He’ll be thrilled, he’s been waiting for like 300 ye-‘ Bilbo’s mouth fell shut as he turned to face the Dwarf. He frowned; this dwarf looked remarkably like Thorin. Well, he had heard that couples often looked alike. Lobelia and Otho looked quite similar, but he’d just thought that was because of the constant scowls on their faces.

  
‘What’s happening? I can’t see.’ Ori complained from the back. ‘Who’s the knight?’  
‘Shush it’s just Thorin,’ Dori replied shortly. It was when all the company turned to him that he realised what he said, his wing covering his beak.

  
‘Thorin?’ Bilbo asked in disbelief, eyes fixed on those unmistakable blue eyes. It was him.

  
Thorin tried to smile a little but it came across as more of grimace. He closed his eyes, face turning away from Bilbo. He was preparing himself for Bilbo’s reaction.  
‘This is what you meant by scary?’ Bilbo snorted. Thorin blinked in shock turning back to the hobbit. That was the last thing he was expecting.

  
‘When you said scary I thought you meant like some big deformed, bastardised son of like a cave troll and a squirrel, after some steamy night in 59 or something. I wasn’t expecting a dwarf.’ Bilbo laughed, pulling him into a hug. Thorin gasped, arms handing uselessly by his sides as Bilbo squeezed him. He soon gained control of his limbs and put them around the hobbit, patting his back a little.

  
'You don't think I'm scary? But I'm hideous.'  
  
'Whoever told you you were ugly was a fucking liar. You're just as good looking as you were before.' Bilbo grinned, patting the side of his face. Bilbo had stopped patting Thorin’s cheek but his hand didn’t move. He could look Thorin in the eye now, he didn’t have to look up, and it was nice.  
  
The soft silence as the two stared at each other was broken by Kili.  
'Now that's resolved can we go back to - argh.' He cried as an arrow shot through the open window and hit his thigh.

  
Fili caught his brother as Dwalin quickly surveyed the wound. 'This is not arrow of man or elf.' Dwalin growled, looking to Thorin.  
  
'Is it?' Thorin asked nervously. His hand went to Bilbo's arm. If this arrow was what it appeared to be he would have to protect his hobbit.  
  
'It looks like an arrow of orcs, I have not seen one in some time but I would bet my bloomers on it.' He replied gruffly.  
  
It was then that they heard Smaug, a great roar echoing through the castle. All eyes looked to Thorin for guidance.  
  
This was not good, not good at all.  
  
Thorin grabbed Bilbo's hand. Normally this action would cause him to blush and stutter but he was running on adrenaline now. This would go one of two ways. Smaug would defeat the legion of orcs and everything would be fine. Or the orcs would kill Smaug, come up the tower and kill them all.  
  
But there was no way the latter could happen right? I mean come on Smaug is huge. And he breathed fire and his armour was imenetrable-  
  
Thorin's thought was cut off when he heard Smaug cry, 'A black arrow!'  
Well shit. They were screwed. The orcs appeared to be prepared to fight a dragon. But why?  
  
'They came prepared.'  
  
'But why? Why attack this castle? Why go up against a dragon? There is nothing of value in this castle!' Thorin said worriedly, walking away from the window.  
  
'But there is.' Bilbo said quietly. All eyes turned to look at him. Bilbo felt a little affronted by all the attention, they must know. It was obvious.  
  
'What?'  
  
'There is something of value in this castle, Thorin. You are here.' Bilbo said worriedly.  
  
'We have no time for your compliments lad we have a serious situation.' Dwalin snorted.  
  
'No seriously.'  
  
'What would orcs want with a cursed prince?'  
  
'They could... I don't know... hold you up for ransom? Perhaps they think the curse is something they can take advantage of. Perhaps they thing you turn into a big scary monster and they can get you to fight for them.'  
  
Dwalin and Balin looked worriedly to Thorin.  
  
Smaug howled as he fell. Even those who were not watching the window knew he had fallen. The ground shook as the large dragon died.  
  
'We have to get out of here now!'  
  
'We'll have to fight. We need weapons.' Dwalin growled, moving to look out the window.  
  
'Most of us cannot wield a weapon Dwalin look at us.' Dori cried, flapping his wings.  
  
'I think I have a better idea. Bilbo?' Thorin asked stepping close to the hobbit and placing a hand on each of his shoulders. 'You said that hobbits can pass unseen by most yes?'  
  
'Of course.' Bilbo replied, he didn’t like where this was going.  
  
'And you are brilliantly smart.'  
  
'Again. We don't have time for compliments.'  
  
'Shush. Could you get us out of this castle without being seen?'  
  
'I don't know I... I'm no leader Thorin. I can just...'  
  
'I believe you can.' Thorin blurted out drawing the attention of everyone in the room, chickens wolves and cats alike.  
  
'I-I guess I could try.' Bilbo shrugged.


	7. Bad Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right, it's time for Bilbo to play hero, it would honestly be a lot easier for him if he wasn't trying to lead a very kind but slightly dim bunch of fairytale creatures and a dwarf he totally has the hots for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title is based on the song 'Bad Reputation' by Halfcocked. (don't own it)  
> Plus keep your eye out for a mean girls quote ;)

‘Ok here we go, ok remember what I told you?’ Bilbo breathed, getting a lot of nodding in response. ‘C’mon.’ He whispered opening the door and beckoning everyone through. That was when he spotted the orcs coming up the stairs. He pushed the company into a shadowy alcove. He hid behind the door, holding up open for the boisterous group of orcs. He waited until they’d all gone into the door before closing the door behind him, trapping the orcs inside.

  
Thorin and Dwalin quickly grabbed a thick piece of wood that just happened to be nearby and used it to secure the door shut. The orcs were howling and scratching at the wood on the other side of the thick door.

  
‘Hey guys wait for me. You’re always leaving me behind.’ A nasally voice called. A small, scrawny orc came running up the stairs. When he caught sight of the company he moved to call down the stairs to the orcs below. Bilbo acted quickly, covering the orcs mouth to silence him.

  
The hobbit bit his lip to stifle a cry as he felt gnarled teeth sink into his hand.  
‘Ow!’ He hissed, letting the orc go, ‘He bit me. You bit me. Ow, who bites someone really?!’ Bilbo cried indignantly, holding his hand tightly.

The orc looked a little affronted and just shrugged.

  
‘You fight like a child, honestly. Look I’m bleeding.’ He accused angrily, putting his hand up to the orcs face.

  
The orc squinted, looking closely at the small fist. ‘I don’t see-‘ the orc started, only to be halted when Bilbo punched him in the face, knocking him off his feet. ‘Idiot.’ Bilbo remarked, tenderly pressing his hand with the tips of his fingers. ‘C’mon.’

  
That was kinda hot, Thorin thought to himself, quickly following the hobbit and motioning to the rest of the company.

  
They ran down the stairs as quietly as theycould, well as quietly as group of fairy-tale creatures could. They turned a corner only to be confronted by another group of orcs. Dammit. They quickly turned running up a small flight of stairs, turning left then right when they reached a door. The quickly outwitted the orcs giving them the slip.

  
The company ended up on the floor above, a large square cut from the middle of the floor making this floor more like a balcony. Bilbo ran up to the railings and looked down. Orcs had regrouped below underneath the large archaic chandelier. The metal chandelier hung from the ceiling, its weight supported by four long wires branching out to the corners of the room and what looked like two simple bolts attaching it to the ceiling.

  
Bilbo got an idea. A stupidly foolish idea that would get him killed but an idea non the less. Goodness what the hell had he gotten himself into? He put his hand over his pocket and felt the knife he had brandished at Thorin earlier. Ok, here goes nothing her thought, quickly shucking his jacket off.

  
‘What are you doing?’ Thorin hissed as Bilbo stood on the railings, throwing his jacket over the wire. ‘Shh’ Bilbo hushed, taking a deep breath before zip wiring down the long wire. As soon as he got to the chandelier he cut three ropes, leaving the one he’d come down intact. He stuck the knife handle in his mouth and started unscrewing the chandelier with his hands.

  
Unscrewing the bolt was hard at first as the thing was pretty tightly screwed on but once he got it to move just a little it became a lot easier. He mentally patted himself on the back as he move to the second screw. He wobbled when he felt the chandelier move that was his queue to get off. He gripped the wire firmly and cut it just below his hand.

  
The chandelier fell to the ground right on top of the orcs with a crash. ‘Bilbo.’ Thorin breathed worriedly searching the mass of metal, glass and bloodied bodies below. He could not see him. Suddenly a hand appeared, smacking at the railings.

  
‘A little help.’ Bilbo grunted around the knife, knuckles white as he hung onto the edge. Thorin grabbed his hand, starting to pull him up, the rest of the company, well those with opposable thumbs, helped pull him onto the ledge. He spat out the knife and leant against the wall.

  
Bilbo took a few deep breaths, his hands on his knees, before standing upright. ‘Come on.’ He said quickly, heading down the looping staircases to the floor below. They followed, carefully stepping around the shards of glass. They managed to make it to the bottom floor without any more altercations. This made Bilbo very pleased because he wasn’t sure he liked playing the role of foolishly brave hero.

  
They were almost out now; just around the corner was the front door. Bilbo abruptly stopped as they reached the main entrance hall. Azog the Defiler was stood in the middle of the room with his white warg. Smaug’s large body half filled the room, his head resting just outside the large doors.

  
Bilbo had a plan. He turned to share it with the company when Thorin placed a finger on his lips. The dwarf got incredibly close to his ear and whispered very quietly into his ear, ‘The warg has good hearing.’

  
Bilbo gulped when Thorin’s lips accidentally brushed his ear. He nodded quickly, leaning into Thorin’s ear to whisper, ‘We stay behind the dragon and get past them, pass it on.’ Thorin nodded, and whispered into Dwalin’s ear.

  
Bilbo’s instructions were passed down the group and finally reached Nori who frowned. The cat quickly bounded towards the hobbit and climbed his body. ‘Why have you told us to ‘pan fry the flagon and get a stem’?’ The cat whispered, sounding utterly confused. Bilbo looked at the company, all except Thorin looking at him with bewilderment.

  
The hobbit took Nori off his shoulder and put him down. He rubbed his forehead, confound these fairy-tale creatures. Ok here goes nothing. Bilbo held up four fingers, keep it simple he thought to himself. The company nodded, slowly understanding as Bilbo up three fingers again. Right, third word. Bilbo pointed dramatically at the dragon.

  
‘That way?’ Fili mouthed pointing in the direction Bilbo was pointing. Bilbo shook his head, pointing harder at the dragon. ‘Door?’ Balin mouthed, miming opening a door. Bilbo’s head fell into his hands. He waved his hands in front of him motioning to start over. He held up his index finger again and then flapped his arms, still occasionally pointing towards the dragon.

  
‘Dori?’ Fili mouthed, pointing towards the hen.

  
Bilbo shook his head frantically, motioning in front of his mouth, trying to mime breathing fire. Nori snorted softly and pointed at Dori again.

  
Thorin seemed to pity him as he joined in now, motioning to Bilbo then sliding his finger across his throat. Bilbo switched from waving his arms around to position them in front of his face, forming his fingers into a claw-like shape and shaping them in front of his mouth. It was supposed to be teeth.

  
‘Dragon?’ Balin mouthed, holding his hands up like claws. Bilbo jumped up excitedly, putting his finger onto his nose whilst pointing at Balin with the other. Thorin smiled widely at him. Bilbo held up two fingers this time. Second word.

  
He couldn’t think of something from behind, he tried to mime it holding one hand in front of his and pointing to the back of it. He just got confused looks. And then it came to him. Oh lord he would lose all his dignity but at least not his life. He grasped Thorin’s shoulders and spun him around. He pointed at Thorin’s oh extremely shapely arse.

  
‘Behind?’ Dwalin mouthed, trying not to chuckle. Bilbo nodded. When Thorin turned around his cheeks were bright red.

  
‘Sorry.’ Bilbo mouthed apologetically. The dwarf just avoided eye contact.

  
Bilbo held up his index finger, first word. He began to walk quietly up and down although as he was trying to be quiet it looked more like creeping than walking.

  
‘Creep?’ Dwalin mouthed, doing a creepier and very poor imitation of Bilbo’s walking. He shook his head in annoyance, it was the easiest one. Bilbo grabbed his ear lobe, motioning ‘sound like’. He then turned to Thorin and pretended to talk, miming things coming out of his mouth.

  
‘Walk!’ He heard someone cry behind him. ‘Walk behind dragon.’ Bilbo turned excitedly to point a who ever got it right when he was confronted with a group of orcs, one of whom looked very pleased with himself. One of the orcs high-fived one of the other orcs excitedly. Shit.

  
‘Run!’ He cried turning and grabbing Thorin’s hand. The company didn’t waste any time in taking his advice. The orcs chased them. Suddenly Thorin dropped to his knees. The company skidded to a halt now trying to fight the orcs with the natural weapons that they had. Dwalin grabbed a sword for an orc he had just torn to pieces and skidded it across the floor to Bilbo

.  
The hobbit fell to his knees next to Thorin, trying to get him up. ‘Come on Thorin this is no time to stop, we’re nearly out.’ He cried, pulling at the now shaking dwarf.

  
‘The sun.’ Thorin choked out, looking up at Bilbo as his face began to glow.  
‘Ah Oakenshield, the most you could manage was dwarf-sum how disappointing,’ Azog snarled, ‘Well at least I can take pleasure in your death.’

  
Thorin was still doubled over, his limbs growing, his clothes stretching.  
The pale orc raised his sword when suddenly Bilbo leapt up, standing between the orc and his prey.

  
‘You’ll have to kill me first!’ He cried, standing his ground. He hadn’t really used a sword many times in his life and he certainly had never killed anyone but the pale orc didn’t need to know that. They began to fight and Bilbo’s skill with a sword, or lack thereof, was becoming very clear.

  
The hobbit managed to cut the orc torso, it was nothing fatal but it looked pretty deep. However the wound only seemed to make the orc angrier. He disarmed Bilbo, flicking the orcish blade from his hands easily. He then pushed the smaller creature aside once again raising his sword to Thorin, who was still glowing an ominous green.

  
‘No.’ Bilbo cried, running forward to cover the dwarf’s…elf’s body with his own.  
Well this looked like it was the end, Bilbo thought, and he appeared to be playing the role of foolishly brave hero again. He’d had a good run, granted he’d wished he could have seen 55, that would have been nice. He readied himself for the blow but it never came. Instead he turned to see Azog’s body hit the ground, three elvish arrows stuck in his chest.

  
Despite Bilbo’s curiosity as to where the arrows came from he focussed on Thorin. ‘Are you alright?’ He asked quietly, pulling away from the elf.  
Thorin just nodded, but the way he looked at Bilbo suggested that there was more he wished to say. He raised a hand to brush a curl from the hobbit’s face and opened his mouth to speak when he was interrupted by the sound of hooves.

  
They looked up in unison to see a beautiful blond elf riding an elk.

  
‘Why hello shorty, I took a break from dropping the bass and came here to save you from the beast so you can be my bae.’ He drawled, sliding off the elk and holding out an empty red solo cup to one of the soldiers. The elven soldier rolled his eyes and filled the cup with wine. He strutted up to Thorin. Thorin helped Bilbo up, standing to face his true love?

  
‘Your glasses are erm interesting.’ Bilbo said awkwardly, looking at the strange pink glasses that adorned the elf’s face. They had no glass in them; lines of pink covered the area where the lenses should be. They looked like shutters. They also looked ridiculous.

  
‘Thanks half-pint on Wednesdays we wear pink,’ The blonde remarked, looking down his nose at Bilbo before taking a sip of his wine, ‘Lord Thranduil in the house bitches.’ He cried, pulling a face as he looked around the room at the company, holding his hand out to Thorin as though he expected him to kiss it. This guy was his true love?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of 'dwarf racist party dad' in there (if you don't know it or didn't understand that bit with Thranduil, search the tag 'dwarf racist party dad' on tumblr, you won't regret it.) Thanks for reading :)


	8. I'm A Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Lord Thranduil is on the scene hoping to marry Prince Thorin so that he can be king however a certain hobbit may have something to say about that, even if he might require a little coaxing from the company first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song 'I'm a Believer' by Smash Mouth.

'So twerk it honey and get that booty into my kingdom. Dayme boy!' Thranduil remarked, dropping a shoulder and flicking his hair.

Thorin just blinked in confusion. Was this elf even speaking Westron?

'Erm...' He honestly had no idea what to say, he was speechless.

'I'm your knight in shining blingy around and I is here to take you back to my place and do the old ceremony.'

'Ceremony?' He asked with a slight sense of dread. Was this guy for real? He couldn’t be his knight in shining armour could he?

'The marriage ceremony duh, swigity swag I want your hand in mag.'

'Oh well I...' And he was speechless again. Well his father had always said that he was speechless the first time he met his true love. Was that what he was experiencing? He didn’t feel very awestruck. Well, not in a romantic way in more of a ‘what the hell is going on’ kind of way.

'Of course half pint and the band of circus freaks equal no admission, they throw off my groove.' Thranduil sniffed pompously. Bloody short folk.

'Well -I- I don't really know what to say.' That seems to be his default mode at the moment.He had a feeling this guy might actually be insane.

'Sorry, could I just borrow him for a moment?' Bilbo asked, suddenly appearing at Thorin’s side.

'Well only if you can dig what I'm throwing down, I'll drop with convo like I drop the bass, half pint.' Thranduil flicked his hair.

'Thank you very much.' Bilbo smiled, steering Thorin away from the elf by his arm.

‘How do you even understand him?’ Thorin asked perplexed.

'I took a course a couple of years ago... But anyway that's not important right now.' Bilbo said, waving his in front of his as if to clear the air as the company came to join them.

'He is really rude.' Dori commented in annoyance, his feathers ruffling.

'Yeah and I can hardly understand him.' Bofur agreed, frowning at the elf lord. There were nods and murmurs of agreement amongst the members of the company.

'I think you should go with him.' Bilbo said, evoking a few confused looks from the wholly negative company.

'What?' Balin frowned.

'You should go with him. Look he might not be totally as expected but he's the closet anyone has come to your knight in shiny armour fantasy. He saved you from Azog, he came to rescue you. And he's good looking. He's what you wanted.' Bilbo reasoned. He didn't really want Thorin to go off with this elf but what else could he do? He just wanted Thorin to be happy and if being happy meant breaking the curse and living in a big castle with his Prince Charming then so be it. Bilbo wasn't the answer to Thorin‘s sadness no matter how much he wanted to be.

'But he is not the only one to have saved me, you were equally saving me from Azog.' Thorin said, Bilbo had thrown himself between Azog and Thorin. He was a hero.

'Yes but we both know how you feel about me.' Bilbo huffed.

'We do?' Thorin asked nervously. He knew?!

'Yes, Thorin I get it ok. I'm not your true love. You have made it clear. But there he is your true love, your knight in shining armour. You waited 300 years go get him.' Why wasn’t Thorin enthusiastic about this? Thranduil was a near perfect knight in shining armour. Well he was certainly more fitting then Bilbo.

'But he's not right. He's not what I expected at all. I can't even understand him.' Thorin frowned. How could he marry someone he didn’t even understand?

'Maybe you should stop having such high expectations.' Bilbo snapped.

'Excuse me?' Thorin said in disbelief.

'He comes along and he's what? Too tall? Too well off? Too interested in you? Too heroic? Granted he is extravagant but he meets your requirements. You waited 300 years, how long are you willing to wait?!' Bilbo hissed.

'What do you know of my requirements?' Thorin growled.

'I have been judged by them since we met. I arrive in your castle and within seconds of knowing me, you deem me too short, too cowardly and too common. Do you have any idea how insulting it is to be told you’re not good enough but when the perfect guy comes along he's not good enough either?' Bilbo snapped. If he wasn’t good enough, who was going to be?

'Well sorry of finding my love and breaking this curse is my purpose in this world. It's my most important decision, it is make or break for me.' Thorin said, affronted. Why was Bilbo trying to rush him?!

'No it is not! You’ve made it the most important decision. The curse doesn't control your life, but somehow you have made it. When are you going to stop being so selfish and stop feeling so sorry for yourself all the time?’

'Why will you not just go with him and get what you want, you are so obsessed with the curse so go break it?' Bilbo sighed, motioning towards the elf lord. He just wanted this to be over. He hated this, the fighting. It was so hard to bear. ‘Look he’s fulfilling the prophecy, he’s making you cry.’ Bilbo reasoned, So he was grabbing for straws but he just wanted Thorin to go off and be happy and stop tap-dancing of his heart in football boots.

‘No you are!’ Thorin shouted angrily, wiping his wet cheeks, 'And you know what? Maybe I will go.' He hissed. You know what maybe Thranduil was the answer. Bilbo obviously wasn’t. Sure Thorin had been enamoured by him but maybe that was just a fleeting crush. He had been overly emotional, relying too much on his heart and not on his head.

'Please do.' Bilbo encouraged, scowling up at the elf.

'Fine.' Thorin snapped turning on his heel and walking towards Thranduil.

'I humbly accept your proposal.' Thorin said, pulling a fake smile and trying to look happy about his decision.

'Fantasmo babe, tomorrow we'll get hitched and you'll get a roll in the sack with the best lay in all of Mirkwood.' Thranduil grinned, licking his lips before offering Thorin a hand onto the elk. Thorin tried not to grimace, he was pretty sure he understood that. Then the other part of his statement struck him.

'Tomorrow?!' He gasped, 'I mean, why wait, let us marry today.' He pleaded, trying to sound wry and enthusiastic about their wedding but for some reason his heart was not in it. But that did not matter. His heart just needed to be in it for their first kiss then he was free.

'Oooh my, looks like someone's practically drooling to be on their back for a bit of frivolity frack in the sack.' Thranduil laughed, clicking his teeth before jumping onto the elk behind Thorin. The dark elf hoped that was his sword sticking in his back.

'Goodbye halfling.' Thorin called spitefully over his shoulder to Bilbo's back. Later he would regret his coldness but now the anger at the hobbit’s words still bubbled inside him.

Bilbo had turned away with the hope the Thorin wouldn't see the sadness in his face as he rode away. He was gone and now somehow Bilbo's world felt colder. He looked to the company with sad eyes before turning away and walking in the opposite direction to Thorin, heading towards the river.

Once he lost sight if the fairy-tale creatures he fell to his knees and began to cry. He was gone. The most beautiful, perfect thing to happen to him was gone. Telling himself that it was in Thorin’s better interest sadly did not console him in the way he hoped it would.

**………**

That’s where they found him hours later, sat by the river staring at his reflection sadly. The company crept towards him in the hope not to make him run away again. They had been so sure that Bilbo was Thorin’s true love. This whole thing was a big mess.

Fili and Kili came to sit at Bilbo’s sides, much like they did when Thorin was sad. They had been sure the hobbit would be a part of their family; they had seemed such a perfect match. Bilbo jumped a little, head whipping around to look at the company who slowly surrounded him.

‘Are you alright Bilbo?’ Kili asked slowly causing Bilbo to snort.

‘Do I look alright to you?’ He laughed humourlessly, ‘How can I be alright when he’s gone?’ Bilbo sighed, looking down at the handkerchief in his hand.

‘So you do have feelings for him?’ Balin asked in triumph. There was still hope.

‘Of course I do. He’s perfect.’ Bilbo sighed, a glossy look covering his eyes as he spoke of Thorin.

‘Then why did you let him go?’ Fili asked in confusion. If Bilbo loved Thorin then why were they not together?

‘Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. I just want him to be happy and he’s happy with his knight in shining armour.’

‘Is he?’ Balin asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well he didn’t seem very in love with his true love did he?’ Bofur snorted humourlessly.

‘Well I suppose…’ Bilbo stuttered, looking away. He did not want to hope that Thorin would love him. He knew it was unrequited. Now he just wanted to be alone so that he could wallow in his own self-pity.

‘Bilbo, we must stop him.’ Kili suddenly cried, he had been deep in thought and a troubling thought struck him.

‘Why?’ Bilbo frowned. What was the point? Thorin didn’t love him. Let him marry his knight in shining armour.

‘Thorin is already in love so Thranduil can’t be his true love. When they kiss at the wedding nothing will happen, it won’t work. Can you imagine what Thranduil will do when Thorin changes?!’ Kili said hurriedly.

Fili blinked at him. Kili had always been deceptively clever, he always saw what other people didn’t.

‘Who does he love?’ Bilbo asked. He could not let himself hope. It couldn’t be him, right?

‘This is no time to beat around the bush.’ Dwalin growled in annoyance, they needed to speed this up otherwise they’d never make it to Thorin in time.

‘Look ok, you love Thorin, Thorin loves you. You two are intended to be together. Now let’s go and save him from Thranduil ok now.’ He snapped, clapping his hands quickly, ‘He needs you Bilbo.’

‘He loves me? But I… He said… Really?’ Bilbo blinked, this could not be true… could it? Why would they lie to him? They had no reason to lie.

‘He does lad and he needs you.’ Balin said gently, patting his arm.

This was… well Bilbo didn’t have words. It was fantastic. Thorin loved him back. Oh, and he had just pushed him away and into the arms of that idiot. He had to do something!

‘Let’s go!’ He cried, jumping up. He had a wedding to crash.

**……………**

‘Wait! You can’t just go barging in! You’ve got to wait until the guy in the robes and the silly hat says ‘if anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace’. Then you’ve got to go in and say ‘I object’.’ Dori fussed, stopping him from entering the wedding chapel.

‘Damn, you’re right. How will I know when he says it though?’ Bilbo asked. Dori simply gave an affronted cluck and flew to the chapel window. He floated there for several minutes, flapping his wings to try and hover in place. He quickly swept down. ‘They’ve already said it.’ He cried, feathers flailing everywhere.

Bilbo put his head in his hands before deciding that for once in his life he wasn’t going to follow tradition, even if it made him even less respectable than he already was. The hobbit pushed past the fairy-tale creatures and burst through the doors.

‘I object!’ He shouted as he ran up the lengthy alter, nearly tripping on the red carpeting.

‘Bilbo?’ Thorin whispered, turning away from the vicar. The elf had never looked more beautiful to the hobbit. He was wearing long white robes trimmed with gold edging. A soft white veil covered his dark curly hair. Thranduil was wearing a high collared long robe that honestly looked more like a dress. He still wore those infernal glasses.

‘WTF?! Ain’t it rude enough to be all short and hairy but crashin’ a weddin’ is like a new low half-pint.’ Thranduil sneered. If he had his way there would be no short folk, they destroyed the aesthetic of his perfect world.

‘Thorin, I need to talk to you!’ Bilbo rushed, trying to ignore Lord Thranduil’s insults.

‘Oh now you want to talk?! Well it’s a little late for that so if you’ll excuse me…’ Thorin snapped, turning to kiss Thranduil. This was it. He was about to break the curse.

‘But you can’t marry him!’ Bilbo cried, trying to stand between the two only to be shoved back by Thranduil.

‘And why not?’ Thorin countered. If the hobbit thought he was so smart then he could tell Thorin why the hell he couldn’t marry Thranduil.

‘Because he’s only marrying you so he can be king!’ Bilbo supplied. Well it wasn’t what he’d come to say but he was pretty sure it was true.

‘Oh give him the cold shoulder bae.’ Thranduil scoffed, taking Thorin’s hand.

‘He’s not your true love!’ Bilbo cried in desperation.

‘And what would you know of true love?’ Thorin asked quietly.

Bilbo blinked. He hadn’t planned this far in his head. ‘I- Well I er…’ He started, looking around him. He could feel the eyes of hundreds of elves burning into his skin. He couldn’t do this with all these people here! It was going to be hard enough as it was without an audience.

‘You have got to be shitting me. The halfling has got the hots for the prince.’ Thranduil laughed, snapping his fingers at the other elves to make them join in in his mocking laughter.

‘Bilbo is this true?’ Thorin frowned. Bilbo had tried so hard to get it across that they were not compatible just a few hours ago. How could this be true?

Bilbo sighed, raising his eyes from the ground to look up at Thorin. The elf gasped as he saw something he’d longed to see in Bilbo’s eyes, love.

Bilbo opened his mouth to speak when the large stain glass window behind the elf caught his eye. ‘Sundown.’ He gasped, looking to Thorin worriedly. He whipped his head around to see the fading light of the sun. He always felt it first, a slight crawling in his skin before the glowing began. He was changing.

There was a flash of light and at the alter now stood an elf a hobbit and a dwarf. His robes had shrunk with his body leaving Bilbo to amend his earlier statement. This was the most beautiful he’d ever seen Thorin.

‘Ugh, it’s disgusting! Guards! Guards! Take them away!’ Thranduil cried, stepping away from the two. Guards grabbed them both pulling them away from each other. ‘Thorin.’ Bilbo called, trying to reach out to the dwarf. Their fingertips brushed before they were pulled away.

Thranduil stumbled over to the table holding their crowns and grabbed his crown. ‘The marriage is still binding bitches. I is you king! I am the queen bitch here!’ He shouted desperately, pulling the crown onto his head.

Suddenly a blinding light hit the king. Everyone covered their eyes to shield from the light. When they looked back there was simply a pile of ash and a crown where Thranduil had stood.

Gandalf huffed as he made his way up the aisle with the company. He left people alone for 5 minutes and all hell broke loose.

At one raised eyebrow from the old wizard the guards dropped their hold on Bilbo and Thorin.

‘Gandalf!’ Bilbo sighed in relief.

‘Go ahead Bilbo.’ He smiled, scooting into a seat in the front row.

‘Thorin… I love you.’ The hobbit breathed, looking into his deep blue eyes. He almost felt that the words could not quantify his love so he tried to communicate his dedication through his eyes.

‘Really?’ Thorin asked a little shyly. He was nervous and it wasn’t like before with Thranduil. He felt the butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the intensity of Bilbo’s gaze.

‘Really really.’ Bilbo smiled. He heard someone behind him sniff and he was pretty sure it was Dwalin.

‘I love you too.’ Thorin replied, it almost surprised him as he said it out loud. Saying it allowed seemed to confirm it further and left him feeling even more nervous. Bilbo beamed at him before leaning into his personal space.

Ok, this was not a drill. This was it, the true loves kiss. This is what he had waited for 300 years for. It was time. Thorin’s hands shook a little as he leant closer to Bilbo, their faces now inches apart.

The hobbit must have noticed his nerves as he brought a finger to push a lock of his dark hair off his face, his thumb brushing over Thorin’s cheekbone as he kissed him. The kiss sadly only lasted a few seconds as Thorin suddenly rose into the air, the prophecy being recited softly as he began to glow. Each member of the company began to glow too, it was working. Without warning Thorin dropped from the air, falling to the red carpet that covered the alter.

‘Thorin! Are you alright?’ Bilbo cried, running to make sure he was ok. Thorin took his hand and slowly stood. He didn’t feel the way he expected. The dwarf looked down at his hands sadly.

‘Well yes, but I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.’ Thorin sighed sadly, looking away from the hobbit.

‘But you are beautiful.’ Bilbo smiled, angling Thorin’s face to look at him. Thorin blushed a little at that. Maybe being a dwarf wasn’t so bad if Bilbo was with him. He looked to the company and his heart sunk. He did not see a group of elves or a group of fairy-tale creatures but 12 dwarves. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry.’ Thorin breathed, looking at his friends sadly.

‘Hey, it beats being a clock any day.’ Balin smiled.

The company nodded in agreement.

The dwarf let out a sigh of relief at his friends’ happiness. However he quickly held his breath again as he felt an arm snake around his waist. He caught Bilbo’s eye and grinned. It looked like it was time for another adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END! It is finally finished. Thank you to everyone who read this fic, especially those of you who have followed it from early on. Also thanks to my top notch proofreader and good friend Stars28 for motivating me to finish this fic ;)  
> (you can find her here, she writes good stuff : https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28 )

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome. Thanks for reading!


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